Actually, I really love cheese. REALLY LOVE cheese.
But that's not the point of this post. I just need to whine, and then I'll feel all better.
My body is very unhappy with me. My legs hurt. My joints hurt. I'm tired all the time. Even my scalp hurts. Being TOUCHED hurts. I'm sick a lot. Even when I get 8 or 9 hours of sleep, it never feels like enough. Adding more exercise exacerbates the problems.
For a while, we thought IBS was the culprit. Turns out... no. IBS is a symptom, not a cause.
I've been on a course of steroids on and off since June. Gained weight each time. This last course, I gained 5 lbs in one week! For most people, that's no big deal. For me, that's a pants size. Gah.
Yesterday, they took blood again. If I had a nickel for every time I've had blood drawn in the last year, I'd be able to buy a new pair of shoes. NICE shoes.
So here's the thing: it would be nice if we could at least diagnose these problems. I think the latest suspicion might be the one... but I don't even want to type it "out loud" yet. It's scary.
Trust me, taking your health for granted is a really stupid thing. When something goes wrong, you realize just that.
Thanks for letting me whine. I do feel a little better.
Tuesday, November 17, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
A Letter to Attention Whores
Dear Young Women of the World,
Please stop taking videos of yourselves doing sexy times with your boyfriends.
At the most, you'll land a reality show on E! -- and then people will be talking about you a few years later when you are in rehab. ONLY because you are in rehab.
No one will remember anything intelligent you have to say. No one will remember anything you might have invented. No one will remember any 'good' you might have done for the earth or humanity. No one will remember anything but your lousy sex tape.
You are undermining centuries of women who fought tooth and nail to overcome female oppression... and you've done that with one click of a cellphone camera.
Just stop. Please and thank you.
Please stop taking videos of yourselves doing sexy times with your boyfriends.
At the most, you'll land a reality show on E! -- and then people will be talking about you a few years later when you are in rehab. ONLY because you are in rehab.
No one will remember anything intelligent you have to say. No one will remember anything you might have invented. No one will remember any 'good' you might have done for the earth or humanity. No one will remember anything but your lousy sex tape.
You are undermining centuries of women who fought tooth and nail to overcome female oppression... and you've done that with one click of a cellphone camera.
Just stop. Please and thank you.
Sunday, October 25, 2009
FYI
No matter how tired you are, coffee grounds in your eyes will not make you more awake.
Yes, I know this from experience.
Yes, I know this from experience.
Monday, October 12, 2009
Squawkers
I just have one question:
What is the cause of "annoying cheerleader voice syndrome?"
It seems nearly every female between the ages of 13 and 27 has this horrible condition. Whenever they talk, my brain bleeds into my ears.
Just wondering.
What is the cause of "annoying cheerleader voice syndrome?"
It seems nearly every female between the ages of 13 and 27 has this horrible condition. Whenever they talk, my brain bleeds into my ears.
Just wondering.
Wednesday, September 02, 2009
I Can See The Future
(wine is wearing off, and I have a real post!!!)
Hi. My name is Grumpy F., and I am a hoarder.
Have you watched Hoarders yet on A&E??? That is some crazy stuff. Some crazier than others. Some bat-shit crazier than others.
When I watch that show, my stomach hurts. BADLY. Why? Because I think I am one of them.
No, not that lady with all the rotting pumpkins and squash on her floor. I'm not anywhere NEAR that bad. But the one with boxes and bags full of stuff that she needs to "go through," but can't find the time to do it? That is me. Since she is probably 20-25 years older than I am, just imagine her house with 20-25 years less junk. Definitely me.
The Farm Boy watches that show with me. When he's being kind, he tells me I'm not as bad as some of those people. When he's being truthful, he looks at me and says, "That's you, babe." When he's being an arse, he laughs and points at me. (ok, not really)
For me, it comes down to three things:
1) I attach emotions to objects. We used to call ourselves "pack rats," as if that was a good thing. I hate rodents! But objects hold memories for me. I'm thinking maybe I just take a digital pic of those types of items, and then toss them. It might work.
2) I was taught not to waste things, and you always need empty boxes, right? And extra bags. And that last drop of perfume still in the bottle, even though you already have a new bottle. And that makeup you bought that doesn't really look good on you, but you bought it so you should use it (even though you never will) Ugh. It's a sickness.
3) I'm afraid I will need something I've just thrown away. I can't throw away the box for the blender (TV, computer, hair dryer, camera, etc.)... when we move, it will be so much easier to pack "it" in the original box. PLUS! The instructions might still be on/in the box! See? It's PRACTICAL.
Nope. It's not practical, and deep down, I know it's not. (oh, and we have no plans to move within the next 4 years or so, either)
For a lot of the people featured on this show, there are deep emotional/psychological issues. For many, organization is also a challenge. I don't know where I fit in this... I think I'm not organizationally challenged, because I know where everything is. (I know. I KNOW. WRONG.) Hopefully, the emotional/psych issues aren't too deep. I mean, recognizing that I have this problem is more than half the battle, right? I truly believe this was a learned behavior. My mother is the same way, and her mother was, too.
So, the good news is that, after watching this show, I really do feel the need to purge. (not my stomach-- the contents of our storage room, stuff lying around the house, in our room) I want to do it for myself, but I also want to do it for my family.
Now I just need tofind make the time.
Hi. My name is Grumpy F., and I am a hoarder.
Have you watched Hoarders yet on A&E??? That is some crazy stuff. Some crazier than others. Some bat-shit crazier than others.
When I watch that show, my stomach hurts. BADLY. Why? Because I think I am one of them.
No, not that lady with all the rotting pumpkins and squash on her floor. I'm not anywhere NEAR that bad. But the one with boxes and bags full of stuff that she needs to "go through," but can't find the time to do it? That is me. Since she is probably 20-25 years older than I am, just imagine her house with 20-25 years less junk. Definitely me.
The Farm Boy watches that show with me. When he's being kind, he tells me I'm not as bad as some of those people. When he's being truthful, he looks at me and says, "That's you, babe." When he's being an arse, he laughs and points at me. (ok, not really)
For me, it comes down to three things:
1) I attach emotions to objects. We used to call ourselves "pack rats," as if that was a good thing. I hate rodents! But objects hold memories for me. I'm thinking maybe I just take a digital pic of those types of items, and then toss them. It might work.
2) I was taught not to waste things, and you always need empty boxes, right? And extra bags. And that last drop of perfume still in the bottle, even though you already have a new bottle. And that makeup you bought that doesn't really look good on you, but you bought it so you should use it (even though you never will) Ugh. It's a sickness.
3) I'm afraid I will need something I've just thrown away. I can't throw away the box for the blender (TV, computer, hair dryer, camera, etc.)... when we move, it will be so much easier to pack "it" in the original box. PLUS! The instructions might still be on/in the box! See? It's PRACTICAL.
Nope. It's not practical, and deep down, I know it's not. (oh, and we have no plans to move within the next 4 years or so, either)
For a lot of the people featured on this show, there are deep emotional/psychological issues. For many, organization is also a challenge. I don't know where I fit in this... I think I'm not organizationally challenged, because I know where everything is. (I know. I KNOW. WRONG.) Hopefully, the emotional/psych issues aren't too deep. I mean, recognizing that I have this problem is more than half the battle, right? I truly believe this was a learned behavior. My mother is the same way, and her mother was, too.
So, the good news is that, after watching this show, I really do feel the need to purge. (not my stomach-- the contents of our storage room, stuff lying around the house, in our room) I want to do it for myself, but I also want to do it for my family.
Now I just need to
Whassssssssssssuuuuuuuuppppppppppp
Heh heh.
Oh, HIIIIIIII.
How's it GOING? What? Did I forget to post for a while? Whoops. It's only been since June. (is it sad that I have a whole label for "blogging hiatus? Don't answer that.)
So, you'd think I would take my first post after a 3 month hiatus a little more seriously. Instead, I have a whole glass of wine under my belt... and if you have read much of my blog, you know I'm a SERIOUS lightweight. (and if you had any idea how long it has taken me to type this paragraph, you would laugh your arse off, point fingers at me, and call me a cheap date.)
So, my job change is SUPER AWESOME FANTASTIC. I love my new/old job (returned to previous field). Every day is an adventure, and I'm happy again. That's a good feeling, let me tell ya.
I'm also 10 lbs lighter, thanks to an horrific intestinal infection over the summer. Bad news is that I was really, really sick. Good news is a) I'm not sick anymore, and b) I haven't put that weight back on. Not that I would recommend any of it as a weight loss option, but hey. Only 8 more pounds to go. W00T. (Just kidding. No angry comments please. Unless you're my only commenter, then go ahead and be angry. I can live with that.)
Well, a major case of the tipsies and typing do not mix for this chiquitita. How does one ramble for 4 paragraphs while stating absolutely nothing? Apparently, it can be done.
In the meantime, check out this site:Indexed.com *UPDATE: oops. Wrong link. See? I shouldn't blog and drink. ;-) Here's the real link: http://thisisindexed.com
It's not new, but it's clever, and I like it. I think you might, too.
I plan to be back more regularly (ha! she's said THAT before!) now that I'm not angry all the time. I might even be funny again someday. One can only hope.
Drop me a line... I miss you guys.
Oh, HIIIIIIII.
How's it GOING? What? Did I forget to post for a while? Whoops. It's only been since June. (is it sad that I have a whole label for "blogging hiatus? Don't answer that.)
So, you'd think I would take my first post after a 3 month hiatus a little more seriously. Instead, I have a whole glass of wine under my belt... and if you have read much of my blog, you know I'm a SERIOUS lightweight. (and if you had any idea how long it has taken me to type this paragraph, you would laugh your arse off, point fingers at me, and call me a cheap date.)
So, my job change is SUPER AWESOME FANTASTIC. I love my new/old job (returned to previous field). Every day is an adventure, and I'm happy again. That's a good feeling, let me tell ya.
I'm also 10 lbs lighter, thanks to an horrific intestinal infection over the summer. Bad news is that I was really, really sick. Good news is a) I'm not sick anymore, and b) I haven't put that weight back on. Not that I would recommend any of it as a weight loss option, but hey. Only 8 more pounds to go. W00T. (Just kidding. No angry comments please. Unless you're my only commenter, then go ahead and be angry. I can live with that.)
Well, a major case of the tipsies and typing do not mix for this chiquitita. How does one ramble for 4 paragraphs while stating absolutely nothing? Apparently, it can be done.
In the meantime, check out this site:
It's not new, but it's clever, and I like it. I think you might, too.
I plan to be back more regularly (ha! she's said THAT before!) now that I'm not angry all the time. I might even be funny again someday. One can only hope.
Drop me a line... I miss you guys.
Sunday, June 07, 2009
A Roundabout Message to a Pig
Let's get a few things out of the way, shall we? I am not currently, nor have I ever been, a militant feminist. I have nothing against them... I'm just not one. I'm also not a man-hater, nor am I unrealistic when it comes to the behavior of men. I happen to be married to a very "manly" man, but one who is also extremely courteous and sensitive to the feelings of his wife and the other women around him.
I. AM. LUCKY.
I know this, and I am extremely grateful. Believe me.
However, I have daughters, and it pains me that we still live in a world where this guy is allowed to share his views. His neanderthal and highly piggish views. (I promised myself I'd keep the language clean, so that's all I can do at this point. Sorry.)
I'm not going to add his name to this post, because I don't want to give him anymore web hits than he deserves.
Because really? I'm doing everything I can on all fronts to raise my daughters to have healthy images about themselves... to know that their worth on this planet is more about their brains and their hearts than anything else. They are beautiful girls, but that means nothing in the end.
And as a sign of protest, I just might tell them we should take a week off of shaving our legs this summer. ;-)
I. AM. LUCKY.
I know this, and I am extremely grateful. Believe me.
However, I have daughters, and it pains me that we still live in a world where this guy is allowed to share his views. His neanderthal and highly piggish views. (I promised myself I'd keep the language clean, so that's all I can do at this point. Sorry.)
I'm not going to add his name to this post, because I don't want to give him anymore web hits than he deserves.
Because really? I'm doing everything I can on all fronts to raise my daughters to have healthy images about themselves... to know that their worth on this planet is more about their brains and their hearts than anything else. They are beautiful girls, but that means nothing in the end.
And as a sign of protest, I just might tell them we should take a week off of shaving our legs this summer. ;-)
Thursday, May 28, 2009
Open Letter Regarding Email Ads
Dear People Responsible for Ads in Web Email:
I get it.
One Simple Rule to Obey for a Flat Belly. Got it.
Done.
PLEASE, PLEASE make those ads go away!
I don't want to read my email anymore. I'm tired of seeing a flabby belly next to the emails my sister sends me... the emails my mother sends me... the emails Capitol One sends me!
Today, it was cellulite-filled thighs and flabby bingo wings. I'm familiar with these looks. I've seen cellulite before. While I'm sure you're trying to impress me with some major cottage cheese looks here... I'm not BUYING IT.
Seriously? Have we forgotten how to purchase other ads? I know for a fact that my email content does not discuss how much I wish I could obliterate my cellulite or lose weight and flatten my belly... so don't go there. My email content is not to blame for these ads!!!
This is not a cellulite-related phobia of mine. I'm just TIRED OF BEING FORCED TO LOOK AT IT ALL.
BTW, when people tire of your ads, they do. not. buy. your. products.
That is all.
Sincerely,
Grumpy Frump
p.s. if it were a simple change to another web-based email, I'd do it. Only ONE of my numerous email accounts is free of the awfulness that comprises these ads. And no... I'm not discriminating against people who have flabby bellies/thighs/arms. I'm not exactly cellulite-free myself. So don't take it there, either. Just. Stop.
I get it.
One Simple Rule to Obey for a Flat Belly. Got it.
Done.
PLEASE, PLEASE make those ads go away!
I don't want to read my email anymore. I'm tired of seeing a flabby belly next to the emails my sister sends me... the emails my mother sends me... the emails Capitol One sends me!
Today, it was cellulite-filled thighs and flabby bingo wings. I'm familiar with these looks. I've seen cellulite before. While I'm sure you're trying to impress me with some major cottage cheese looks here... I'm not BUYING IT.
Seriously? Have we forgotten how to purchase other ads? I know for a fact that my email content does not discuss how much I wish I could obliterate my cellulite or lose weight and flatten my belly... so don't go there. My email content is not to blame for these ads!!!
This is not a cellulite-related phobia of mine. I'm just TIRED OF BEING FORCED TO LOOK AT IT ALL.
BTW, when people tire of your ads, they do. not. buy. your. products.
That is all.
Sincerely,
Grumpy Frump
p.s. if it were a simple change to another web-based email, I'd do it. Only ONE of my numerous email accounts is free of the awfulness that comprises these ads. And no... I'm not discriminating against people who have flabby bellies/thighs/arms. I'm not exactly cellulite-free myself. So don't take it there, either. Just. Stop.
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